Discovering the Black Hole in the Heart
I went into my heart space which is where all meditations or (“travels”) bilocations start. Usually I see this place as a small room-sized glass (or crystal) pyramid in space. Like a command, or navigation center. Sometimes it looks like a healing chamber.... But this time upon entering everything turned black and started to swirl around me. I was falling... falling inward to what seemed infinity. It was not scary, and I felt very safe and very loved. Colors started to come out of me... all the colors of the rainbow, and I noticed that the black hole was a swirling rainbow vortex. (Kind of reminds me of the world peace meditation, but this was way before I knew anything about that.)
Each color coming out of me was going to its Like color and joining it in the vortex. And there seemed to be a joyous reunion when it found its match. I felt the colors associated with emotions... some “good”, some not so “good”. But I realized in that moment that the love and acceptance of all emotions incorporated them into the All. Our denial or labeling of emotions is what keeps them separate so... love can absorb all the dark. Love=acceptance. And all they (“negative” emotions) want to do is to be accepted into the All to find their vibrational match... which is just another beautiful color. It felt very healing and I think I was letting go of a lot of baggage.
When all the pieces where incorporated I was at total Oneness with the All. I could “see” how everything worked... I could see the levels of fractality connecting everything. I had never felt such total oneness with Source. I stayed there for a long while... could have been an eternity... with no thoughts, just Being.
When I came back I was so excited! I felt like I could explain it all, all of what's happening on the physical level...I saw and “knew” the physics. I felt compelled to try to find the language to describe it, and that was the language of math. Big problem though, I am not good with math, or physics... but I had equations floating in my head, and knew I had to try.
About a week later, after lots of frustration and scribbled notes that I didn't even understand, I did an internet search out of desperation just wondering if anyone else had the same experience. So I typed in “black hole in my heart”. The only thing that came up that seemed anywhere close to relevant was Dan Winter! I had never heard of him before... I click on the link to his website and found an excerpt of him saying basically... Yes there is a black hole in your heart... and that's why if you go there it feels like you are falling! Wow!!
I started digging through all of his material, watching his videos on youtube. He had already done all of the math, all of the physics... and I didn't have to, Thank God! He has helped me put the language to what I saw, he's a beautiful, brilliant man and perfect example of “living it”. He has found some answers and knows how to communicate them simply by following his own heart and doing what he loves to do...it benefits us all.
So this is just an example of how it works... at least for me. It usually starts off with a question (to yourself, to another, to the Universe) and that signals that you are ready to receive the information. For me it was the general question floating around for a couple weeks of “How does oneness work, how is everything connected?” Then you have an experience that was made just for you, that only you can understand, its almost magical and creates the inner “knowing”. Once you know, the outside world will come back to you in some way (usually through some synchronicity) and validate your inner knowing.
If I had heard Dan Winter speak before my journey, I wouldn't have been able to understand, because I wouldn't have been ready for that information.... and probably would have dismissed it. Here's a link to one of my favorite Dan Winter videos: |
Meeting One of my
Guides
I had visited Telos a couple of times
and was still very new to bilocating (“traveling”). In a
meditative state I asked to go, and instantly found myself in the
entry hallway of giant crystal pyramid. It almost felt cold it
looked so much like ice. There were steps at the end of the hall
beyond which I could see opened to the Great Chamber. Right in front
of the steps stood a man... very small in build and stature dressed
in a white Grecian style robe with white hair. I could tell he was
older than me, but as I approached while his face had lines they were
the lines of a happy face that had spent a lifetime smiling. His
blue eyes had a warm, glowing twinkle that drew me toward him.
Stopping in front of him he graciously
introduced himself as “Will”. I felt as if I had known him
forever, but the face was new to me and yet hauntingly familiar. I
assumed he would escort me into the massive chamber beyond the small
open doorway, but instead he took my hand and we were gone from there
in an instant. (He never really said a word... communication was
just understood somehow telepathically.)
Next thing I knew we were underwater...
deep underwater. As we “swam” or more like glided through the
water I noticed all the Life around me. There were fish of brilliant
colors I had never seen before and as we reached the ocean floor I
was overcome by the beauty of corals and creatures I had never even
conceived of . We continued on, and I noticed I was breathing
normally but had no scuba gear or artificial apparatus. I felt a
moment of panic and Will sensing this just smiled at me calmly and
reassuringly letting me know it was alright.
Just then a being of translucent
yellowish- white light appeared out of the corner of my eye, and I
spotted a few more way in the distance. They had a humanoid shape
and I could feel them beaming with joy. They seemed to radiate it!
More of the beings surrounded us and
swam along side us, there were hundreds of them. We came to a slight
drop-off and below us in a vast “valley” was a city of
luminescent light covered by a almost clear dome. There were
structures with spires of light, some pyramids... and styles I can't
even describe.
We crossed the barrier of the dome and
there was no water on the inside... and there was air. I felt
welcome and loved. All of the beings who escorted us and others from
in the city formed around Will and me in a huge circle. They joined
“hands” and I could feel an embrace even though they were not
touching me. I heard them collectively tell me... “This is one
your homes... You are welcome to come here anytime... I ever you
choose to live here, you are welcome...” Whoa!! I feel like
crying just remembering this!
We stayed for a while with them
“holding the circle of Love”, and then as suddenly as we got
underwater, we were gone. We were at the steps again... Will
standing in front of me. I will never forget the loving look on his
face. As I watched it he suddenly started “morphing” in front of
my eyes. Like he was growing... and suddenly towering over me was
Poseidon (he even a trident in his hand!) And as humbled and awed as
I was, I knew he had been with me along... guiding me in my wanting
to know the secrets of water which has always been a passion!
I understood in that moment that the
name “Will” stood for so much more than a name. He was a guide
for will... our innate inner knowingness and force behind all desire!
And he started to get a bluish hue glowing around him. I knew in
that moment I was a blue ray being, and was also told I was yellow
ray as well. (Even though I think we are here to harmonically
balance and incorporate all of the rays... we specialize or focus on
a few).
This was a beautiful experience and
helped me in my knowingness of who I am. And although I did not get
to go into the Great Chamber that day, I was able to on a later
visit.
Journey to the Heart of
the Sun
I have always had a bond with the Sun
as I'm sure most do in their own way. My awareness of that
connection goes back to early childhood which I spent every free
moment outside in nature. I would talk to anything that was Alive...
trees, flowers, the water, the animals... even rocks (though they
don't say much, they are very good listeners). Most of the time I
would have much better conversations with them than the people
surrounding me. And learned much about Life and beingness knowing
that all Life was somehow connected.
I was often felt misunderstood and
alone and being an empath (as we all are) with no guidance, I always
felt overwhelmed by negative human energies around me. School was
tough... Church was even rougher. And after refusing to go anymore
my parents decided to get help for my depressions that seemed to come
and go every winter and for being a disruption to their fantasy of
the ideal family. In their defense, I did talk to rocks... After 6
months, at the age of 12, of being separated from my family for
analysis and “treatment”, the only thing the medical
professionals could find wrong with me was “sunlight deficiency”
which would explain the very depressing winters. (It is very cloudy
in Ohio for 6 months out of the year.) They put me on
anti-depressants (which I never took of my free will and stopped
taking altogether about a month after coming home).
The Sun was my medication and I always
wished there was some way to “go” there. I learned more ways of
coping with depression and learned skills of my own to release
negative energies. Healing and becoming self aware was how I spent
my teenage years. I eventually moved to New Mexico where the Sun
shines almost every day and feel grateful to have made a home and a
life for myself here. I have spent most of my adult life working
with Nature and earning a living while being able to work outside.
About 2 years ago now I was in the
habit of doing sunset meditations every evening. I would sit outside
on the couch and feel the sunset. I would close my eyes and I had a
favorite song at the time which I would hear in my head as a
mantra... or meditation. The song 100 Suns by 30 Seconds to Mars
goes something like this...
“I believe in nothing, not the end
and not the start. I believe in nothing , not the earth and not the
stars. I believe in nothing, not the day and not the dark. I
believe in nothing, but the beating of our hearts. I believe in
nothing, 100 Suns until we part. I believe in nothing, not in Satan
not in God. I believe in nothing, not in peace and not in war. I
believe in nothing but the truth of who we are.”
I was sitting there night after night
just shedding all the false and programmed belief systems until all
that was left that I truly believed in was Love and Life. Which to
me are the same thing. I had taken huge strides in freeing myself
from the voice of duality that usually creates and drives the inner
war... finding the balance of Neutrality. Until one night, I just
knew I was free. Free from the illusions of this world. I felt
free.
The next day, my third eye opened... I
mean really opened. I could see holographic images right in front of
my eyes (open or shut). I have always had good inner vision and
think if you can form a mental image in you mind's eye, then your
third eye is working just fine. (I think it gets overplayed). But
this was something else entirely! Interesting... to say the least.
The day after that it started... my
right eye started losing vision. I have always had 20/20 vision so
this came as a sudden shock. It got worse everyday for almost a week
and was also making me sick... dizzy and disoriented. I ended up in
the hospital because I couldn't walk straight and was quite
frightened.
They say it was optic neuritis which
has everything to do with nervous system. But I knew I had triggered
some sort of kundalini experience (which rewires the nervous system,
for one thing). I had gained my third eye and lost my sight...
pretty ironic. I was put on a massive dose of steroids and my sight
gradually started coming back after a few days.
Admittedly, I was shaken. And a little
wary of continuing my quest inward and to the Sun. Had I crossed a
line?... Reached my limit?... Been denied access to the highest of
all Truths? But the will and desire burning inside of me urged me on
everyday.
The kundalini continued... There were
days when I swore I was going to die. Sometimes lying there, not
being able to breathe, I said my goodbyes and made peace with this
world. But every time, as I reached a new level of acceptance, the
episode would pass. And gradually after a month or so the symptoms
subsided.
Did I complete the kundalini
process?... I don't know. Do I think its necessary to go through
kundalini to unravel the spiritual mysteries and unlock your highest
potential?... No. Would I do it all over again?... Yes. I think its
different for everyone, and maybe I just needed to work through
lifetimes of “stuff” really quick. I think all that's required
for anyone to know the Truth is a burning desire, the purest of
intentions and lots and lots of Love and forgiveness.
One day, about a month and a half
later, while sitting on the couch with my eyes closed. I started
traveling out beyond anywhere I had been yet. The Sun shown brightly
ahead, pulling me to it like a magnet. I was Home! (Maybe I was
born on a Star?...)
I traveled straight through the surface
into the coolness of the interior. There were countless beings there
all pulsing with yellowish- orange translucent light. (A deeper
orange around the heart region). They invited me to join them in
“Love”, which is an act they do merging into one another. It was
in no way sexual and definitely not “dirty”. It was a way to
show and be Love, and the highest way to Feel another
being's Love. All lines of separation fell... it was complete bliss
and unity.
I now spend a lot of time hanging out
on the Sun, it's one of my favorite places. And sometimes I go there
just to get the Sun's perspective. I am not a Sun worshiper, nor do
I worship anything. I can just recognize that it shines and gives
light to all equally, without judgment or discrimination... in
Neutrality. It is an example to us all, and has been one of my
greatest teachers.
One final chapter to this story. After
about 6 months of integration and digestion of this experience, which
had led to many internal and external changes in the way my husband
and I lived our lives (it was a great time of upheaval, “rethinking”
everything and re prioritizing), we received a gift. It was
the external validation we needed to complete the knowingness we had
gained.
One night we stumbled across the brand
new album from Sons of the Sea. We are both big Incubus fans, and
this being another effort from one of our favorite singer/
songwriters Brandon Boyd we were instantly excited. We listened
loving every moment... and then the song “Untethered” came on.
As we soaked it in, we looked at each other in awe and amazement, and
tears welled in my husbands eyes. (While he is a gentle giant at 6'
4” with the kindest heart I have ever known I have very rarely seen
him cry.) We held each other as we both sobbed and released all the
“trauma” we had been through in the mixed blessings of a great
awakening.
It just goes to show that you are never
alone... this awakening is in the morphic field... and by us
“sharing” just as Brandon Boyd did we begin to notice we are
going through similar awakenings and realizations. Thank you to
Brandon, for following your heart... for making music because you
Love to... and for sharing it with the world. We are all connected
and one's person's awakening can help all others!
Look up lyrics if you can't understand all the words... Amazing!
thank you so,so much for sharing,,it is ever so beautiful,,i just love it
ReplyDeleteThanks Elga! I am so grateful to have found a "home" where we can all share these types of experiences without anyone thinking you're too crazy!
ReplyDeleteOne other thing on the "black hole" story I could also mention...
It is the "space", the Void where all creation springs from. Just liken it to a woman's womb.
Which came first the chicken or the egg? The egg of course was "holding the space" necessary to bring forth life!