Discovering the Black Hole in the Heart
I went into my heart space which is where all meditations or (“travels”) bilocations start. Usually I see this place as a small room-sized glass (or crystal) pyramid in space. Like a command, or navigation center. Sometimes it looks like a healing chamber.... But this time upon entering everything turned black and started to swirl around me. I was falling... falling inward to what seemed infinity. It was not scary, and I felt very safe and very loved. Colors started to come out of me... all the colors of the rainbow, and I noticed that the black hole was a swirling rainbow vortex. (Kind of reminds me of the world peace meditation, but this was way before I knew anything about that.)
Each color coming out of me was going to its Like color and joining it in the vortex. And there seemed to be a joyous reunion when it found its match. I felt the colors associated with emotions... some “good”, some not so “good”. But I realized in that moment that the love and acceptance of all emotions incorporated them into the All. Our denial or labeling of emotions is what keeps them separate so... love can absorb all the dark. Love=acceptance. And all they (“negative” emotions) want to do is to be accepted into the All to find their vibrational match... which is just another beautiful color. It felt very healing and I think I was letting go of a lot of baggage.
When all the pieces where incorporated I was at total Oneness with the All. I could “see” how everything worked... I could see the levels of fractality connecting everything. I had never felt such total oneness with Source. I stayed there for a long while... could have been an eternity... with no thoughts, just Being.
When I came back I was so excited! I felt like I could explain it all, all of what's happening on the physical level...I saw and “knew” the physics. I felt compelled to try to find the language to describe it, and that was the language of math. Big problem though, I am not good with math, or physics... but I had equations floating in my head, and knew I had to try.
About a week later, after lots of frustration and scribbled notes that I didn't even understand, I did an internet search out of desperation just wondering if anyone else had the same experience. So I typed in “black hole in my heart”. The only thing that came up that seemed anywhere close to relevant was Dan Winter! I had never heard of him before... I click on the link to his website and found an excerpt of him saying basically... Yes there is a black hole in your heart... and that's why if you go there it feels like you are falling! Wow!!
I started digging through all of his material, watching his videos on youtube. He had already done all of the math, all of the physics... and I didn't have to, Thank God! He has helped me put the language to what I saw, he's a beautiful, brilliant man and perfect example of “living it”. He has found some answers and knows how to communicate them simply by following his own heart and doing what he loves to do...it benefits us all.
So this is just an example of how it works... at least for me. It usually starts off with a question (to yourself, to another, to the Universe) and that signals that you are ready to receive the information. For me it was the general question floating around for a couple weeks of “How does oneness work, how is everything connected?” Then you have an experience that was made just for you, that only you can understand, its almost magical and creates the inner “knowing”. Once you know, the outside world will come back to you in some way (usually through some synchronicity) and validate your inner knowing.
If I had heard Dan Winter speak before my journey, I wouldn't have been able to understand, because I wouldn't have been ready for that information.... and probably would have dismissed it.
Here's a link to one of my favorite Dan Winter videos:
Meeting One of my Guides
I had visited Telos a couple of times and was still very new to bilocating (“traveling”). In a meditative state I asked to go, and instantly found myself in the entry hallway of giant crystal pyramid. It almost felt cold it looked so much like ice. There were steps at the end of the hall beyond which I could see opened to the Great Chamber. Right in front of the steps stood a man... very small in build and stature dressed in a white Grecian style robe with white hair. I could tell he was older than me, but as I approached while his face had lines they were the lines of a happy face that had spent a lifetime smiling. His blue eyes had a warm, glowing twinkle that drew me toward him.
Stopping in front of him he graciously introduced himself as “Will”. I felt as if I had known him forever, but the face was new to me and yet hauntingly familiar. I assumed he would escort me into the massive chamber beyond the small open doorway, but instead he took my hand and we were gone from there in an instant. (He never really said a word... communication was just understood somehow telepathically.)
Next thing I knew we were underwater... deep underwater. As we “swam” or more like glided through the water I noticed all the Life around me. There were fish of brilliant colors I had never seen before and as we reached the ocean floor I was overcome by the beauty of corals and creatures I had never even conceived of . We continued on, and I noticed I was breathing normally but had no scuba gear or artificial apparatus. I felt a moment of panic and Will sensing this just smiled at me calmly and reassuringly letting me know it was alright.
Just then a being of translucent yellowish- white light appeared out of the corner of my eye, and I spotted a few more way in the distance. They had a humanoid shape and I could feel them beaming with joy. They seemed to radiate it!
More of the beings surrounded us and swam along side us, there were hundreds of them. We came to a slight drop-off and below us in a vast “valley” was a city of luminescent light covered by a almost clear dome. There were structures with spires of light, some pyramids... and styles I can't even describe.
We crossed the barrier of the dome and there was no water on the inside... and there was air. I felt welcome and loved. All of the beings who escorted us and others from in the city formed around Will and me in a huge circle. They joined “hands” and I could feel an embrace even though they were not touching me. I heard them collectively tell me... “This is one your homes... You are welcome to come here anytime... I ever you choose to live here, you are welcome...” Whoa!! I feel like crying just remembering this!
We stayed for a while with them “holding the circle of Love”, and then as suddenly as we got underwater, we were gone. We were at the steps again... Will standing in front of me. I will never forget the loving look on his face. As I watched it he suddenly started “morphing” in front of my eyes. Like he was growing... and suddenly towering over me was Poseidon (he even a trident in his hand!) And as humbled and awed as I was, I knew he had been with me along... guiding me in my wanting to know the secrets of water which has always been a passion!
I understood in that moment that the name “Will” stood for so much more than a name. He was a guide for will... our innate inner knowingness and force behind all desire! And he started to get a bluish hue glowing around him. I knew in that moment I was a blue ray being, and was also told I was yellow ray as well. (Even though I think we are here to harmonically balance and incorporate all of the rays... we specialize or focus on a few).
This was a beautiful experience and helped me in my knowingness of who I am. And although I did not get to go into the Great Chamber that day, I was able to on a later visit.
Journey to the Heart of the Sun
I have always had a bond with the Sun as I'm sure most do in their own way. My awareness of that connection goes back to early childhood which I spent every free moment outside in nature. I would talk to anything that was Alive... trees, flowers, the water, the animals... even rocks (though they don't say much, they are very good listeners). Most of the time I would have much better conversations with them than the people surrounding me. And learned much about Life and beingness knowing that all Life was somehow connected.
I was often felt misunderstood and alone and being an empath (as we all are) with no guidance, I always felt overwhelmed by negative human energies around me. School was tough... Church was even rougher. And after refusing to go anymore my parents decided to get help for my depressions that seemed to come and go every winter and for being a disruption to their fantasy of the ideal family. In their defense, I did talk to rocks... After 6 months, at the age of 12, of being separated from my family for analysis and “treatment”, the only thing the medical professionals could find wrong with me was “sunlight deficiency” which would explain the very depressing winters. (It is very cloudy in Ohio for 6 months out of the year.) They put me on anti-depressants (which I never took of my free will and stopped taking altogether about a month after coming home).
The Sun was my medication and I always wished there was some way to “go” there. I learned more ways of coping with depression and learned skills of my own to release negative energies. Healing and becoming self aware was how I spent my teenage years. I eventually moved to New Mexico where the Sun shines almost every day and feel grateful to have made a home and a life for myself here. I have spent most of my adult life working with Nature and earning a living while being able to work outside.
About 2 years ago now I was in the habit of doing sunset meditations every evening. I would sit outside on the couch and feel the sunset. I would close my eyes and I had a favorite song at the time which I would hear in my head as a mantra... or meditation. The song 100 Suns by 30 Seconds to Mars goes something like this...
“I believe in nothing, not the end and not the start. I believe in nothing , not the earth and not the stars. I believe in nothing, not the day and not the dark. I believe in nothing, but the beating of our hearts. I believe in nothing, 100 Suns until we part. I believe in nothing, not in Satan not in God. I believe in nothing, not in peace and not in war. I believe in nothing but the truth of who we are.”
I was sitting there night after night just shedding all the false and programmed belief systems until all that was left that I truly believed in was Love and Life. Which to me are the same thing. I had taken huge strides in freeing myself from the voice of duality that usually creates and drives the inner war... finding the balance of Neutrality. Until one night, I just knew I was free. Free from the illusions of this world. I felt free.
The next day, my third eye opened... I mean really opened. I could see holographic images right in front of my eyes (open or shut). I have always had good inner vision and think if you can form a mental image in you mind's eye, then your third eye is working just fine. (I think it gets overplayed). But this was something else entirely! Interesting... to say the least.
The day after that it started... my right eye started losing vision. I have always had 20/20 vision so this came as a sudden shock. It got worse everyday for almost a week and was also making me sick... dizzy and disoriented. I ended up in the hospital because I couldn't walk straight and was quite frightened.
They say it was optic neuritis which has everything to do with nervous system. But I knew I had triggered some sort of kundalini experience (which rewires the nervous system, for one thing). I had gained my third eye and lost my sight... pretty ironic. I was put on a massive dose of steroids and my sight gradually started coming back after a few days.
Admittedly, I was shaken. And a little wary of continuing my quest inward and to the Sun. Had I crossed a line?... Reached my limit?... Been denied access to the highest of all Truths? But the will and desire burning inside of me urged me on everyday.
The kundalini continued... There were days when I swore I was going to die. Sometimes lying there, not being able to breathe, I said my goodbyes and made peace with this world. But every time, as I reached a new level of acceptance, the episode would pass. And gradually after a month or so the symptoms subsided.
Did I complete the kundalini process?... I don't know. Do I think its necessary to go through kundalini to unravel the spiritual mysteries and unlock your highest potential?... No. Would I do it all over again?... Yes. I think its different for everyone, and maybe I just needed to work through lifetimes of “stuff” really quick. I think all that's required for anyone to know the Truth is a burning desire, the purest of intentions and lots and lots of Love and forgiveness.
One day, about a month and a half later, while sitting on the couch with my eyes closed. I started traveling out beyond anywhere I had been yet. The Sun shown brightly ahead, pulling me to it like a magnet. I was Home! (Maybe I was born on a Star?...)
I traveled straight through the surface into the coolness of the interior. There were countless beings there all pulsing with yellowish- orange translucent light. (A deeper orange around the heart region). They invited me to join them in “Love”, which is an act they do merging into one another. It was in no way sexual and definitely not “dirty”. It was a way to show and be Love, and the highest way to Feel another being's Love. All lines of separation fell... it was complete bliss and unity.
I now spend a lot of time hanging out on the Sun, it's one of my favorite places. And sometimes I go there just to get the Sun's perspective. I am not a Sun worshiper, nor do I worship anything. I can just recognize that it shines and gives light to all equally, without judgment or discrimination... in Neutrality. It is an example to us all, and has been one of my greatest teachers.
One final chapter to this story. After about 6 months of integration and digestion of this experience, which had led to many internal and external changes in the way my husband and I lived our lives (it was a great time of upheaval, “rethinking” everything and re prioritizing), we received a gift. It was the external validation we needed to complete the knowingness we had gained.
One night we stumbled across the brand new album from Sons of the Sea. We are both big Incubus fans, and this being another effort from one of our favorite singer/ songwriters Brandon Boyd we were instantly excited. We listened loving every moment... and then the song “Untethered” came on. As we soaked it in, we looked at each other in awe and amazement, and tears welled in my husbands eyes. (While he is a gentle giant at 6' 4” with the kindest heart I have ever known I have very rarely seen him cry.) We held each other as we both sobbed and released all the “trauma” we had been through in the mixed blessings of a great awakening.
It just goes to show that you are never alone... this awakening is in the morphic field... and by us “sharing” just as Brandon Boyd did we begin to notice we are going through similar awakenings and realizations. Thank you to Brandon, for following your heart... for making music because you Love to... and for sharing it with the world. We are all connected and one's person's awakening can help all others!
Look up lyrics if you can't understand all the words... Amazing!